My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love having hate sex.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
