dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
