Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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