i think i have two assholes
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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