bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
