I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
