he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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