seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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