Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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