in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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