I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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