Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
