I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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