Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
