Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
50% drunk capacity currently
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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