In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
