Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
