He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
