First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
