soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
