chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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