you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
