dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
