im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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