how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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