I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
