I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
