My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
