so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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