Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
