I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
