Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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