But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
