So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
