Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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