I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
