Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
