I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
