its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
