She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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