Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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