Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
