some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
