I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
