I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
