I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
