I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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