my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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