soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
