Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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