y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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