I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
tell me about the eggs
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
