We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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