what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Im part way to drunk.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
