there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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