and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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