you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
